Season 37, Episode 16
Tonight sees the return of Lindsay Lohan to the SNL stage, and the third time she's done so in order to stage some sort of career comeback. Like so many other desperate and/or hacky actors that have graced the stage (I know, they usually go hand-in-hand) so isn't like this is unprecedented, but considering that she doesn't seem to have anything to promote (except for her recent Playboy spread, I guess) so that makes this episode reek of extra desperation.
So, who wants to jump in first?
Cold Open – Fox News Report with Shepard Smith: There's only so many ways to say that a political cold open sucked. Fortunately I don't have to say that this week, though it has nothing to do with actual political jokes that were part of the sketch. Instead, the biggest laughs came from Hader's Sheppard Smith impression, and more specifically all those jokes about his creepy dead mother. (All thought the bits with Romney's sons and Kid Rock were more good than bad.)
Monologue: And here we go, as the show kicks off in the most predictable way possible, with a bunch of half-baked drug jokes, and the show more or less giving Lohan a pass for her past behavior. To make things worse, both Jimmy Fallon and Jon Hamm appear to let us know just what it is where missing out on.
Real Housewives of Disney: Using the juxtaposition between something nasty and something sweet is something of a trope in comedy, so the premise of this sketch isn't exactly the most original, and this sketch also goes on for a few minutes too long while also hitting some low-hanging fruit. However, the sketch was able to soar whenever it was able to combine something specific from Housewives with something specific from a Disney movie. Or to put it another way: A gay Prince Charming? Not funny. Jasmine sleeping with Iago because he was doing his Aladdin impression? Hilarious (and also really disturbing.)
2012 Psychic Awards: Okay, so the idea of the pointlessness of an award show with a room full of psychics isn't a terrible idea, but it's also something more suited for a quick sight, and not a joke to be beaten into the ground. When the sketch switched to a forward-seeing “In Memoriam” piece, it became much funnier, but that doesn't change the fact that this sketch didn't really have a proper beginning, middle, and end.
Scared Straight: “Scared Straight” is one of the recurring sketches that I completely forget about until the show decides to trot it out about once or twice a season, which is quite infrequent by SNL standards. To that end, I'm not sure if the sketches beats – that is, a convict who keeps using movie plots in his sketches to scare the kids straight – have had the chance to grow on me and become funnier as a result. But even by those low standard, this was a low point, since placing Lohan in the sketch as herself was just terribly awkward and unfunny, something that wasn't helped by her lack of comedic ability, and her frequent line flubs. (Sadly, the best part of the sketch may have been seeing the actor break when Sudeikis accidentally knocked over a prop.)
Weekend Update: In addition to Seth Meyers doing his usual shtick, we also got...A triumphant return of Bill Hader's Jame Carville impression, which was meant to provide us with some Rush Lindbaugh jokes, but lest not lie, that's not the best part of his appearance....Bobby Moynihan appeared as Snooki as a reaction to the news that she might be pregnant. It was a bit of a nonstarter as all Snookie appearances are, but at least in a Jon Hamm cameo as the baby's father.
Delinquent Girl Teen Gang: This sketch started out as if the show was once again returning to that “Lindsay Lohan went to prison!” angle, but luckily it dropped that...for something far much worse. Seeing Fred Armisen get hit repeatedly by a car isn't exactly the best idea for a sketch. In fact, it might be among the worst.
Digital Short – Save the Date: It's the first Digital Short of 2012, and while it's not destined to become a classic, it was a more or less fitting return. A short sketch that didn't wear out it's weird little premise, it more or less coasted on the goofy sight of an ever-growing afro, and Keenan Thompson playing a wide variety of instruments.
Mad Early Morning Radio Show: Okay, this sketch shouldn't really work, since making fun of early morning talk shows is another thing that's pretty old hat in sketch comedy. However, Killam and Moynihan were absolutely charming douche-bag DJ's, to the extent that I was lightly snickering throughout the whole thing, and that's more than I can say for most SNL sketches tonight.
Chantix: We've already seen this one before.
House Sitter: It's like the last-slot sketch, only it doesn't take place last, and it's not even funny in that weird sort of way. The random phone calls and Wiig's freak-out upon answering the phone was just too out of left field to really work, and even though the sketch eventually provided an answer as to why the call were occurring, it was too stupid to justify all the randomness we had already sat through.
Verizon 4G LTE: Damn, SNL really must have been light on sketches this week, because this is the second repeat commercial parody of the night. I would hate to see the sketches that were deemed not good enough to air tonight.
Rude Buddha: Okay, here is the last slot sketch, which thankfully has a weird-yet-workable premise. Too bad the show doesn't actually get around to making it work. I only laughed once in this sketch, and that was when Rude Buddha was actually mocking his disciples while they were in front of him. Other than that, he just came across as bitchy, and being bitchy rarely makes for good comedy.
Weird Guy by a Fire: Okay, here's the last real sketch of the night, even if it's not really a sketch. I can't tell if this bit was pre-filmed or not, but I wish it was, and that the various parts (in this hypothetical, there's more than two) were scattered throughout the episode. The first beat of this “sketch” worked because it was so random, and seeing this split up into parts and spread throughout the episode would have worked to foster than, especially on the repeated beats/appearances.
Usually, I try to wrap up these SNL reviews with some general thoughts, but tonight...I don't even know. I mean, this episode certainly happened, but so many of the sketched existed on the range of boring to painfully unfunny that I can't come up with all that much to say. But hey, did you notice how the show once again tried to bury one of it's hosts? Yeah, that can be an accident. I also make a list of the best and worst sketches of the night, and for tonight's iteration, just assume it's even more subjective than normal, because I'm having a hard time sorting through all those stinkers.
Best Sketch – Mad Early Morning Radio Show
Worst Sketch – House Sitter
Next Week: Jonah Hill makes some “I used to be fat jokes”, and The Shins tempt the writers into making a bunch of Garden State gags.
Quotes, Etc.:
“Your shoes must be made out of chocolate, because you keep putting your foot in your mouth.”
“Mother, don't give me that look. I ate all of my lima beans.”
“I like creepy things, and I love these guys.”
“I'm Tic-Tac, and I'm be rebel. Because I eat sugar.”
“What's that's mother? I know it rots my teeth, that's why I brush my teeth before bedtime. Wink.”
“I mean if Casey Anthony would help, I would slap her on the ticket tomorrow.”
“Speaking if strange bed fellows, Mother you kicked me last night. Yes you did. With your little genie legs.”
“I'll save you the trouble – I've been stoned since Good Burger.”
“At least I didn't marry a beast.” “His name is Kelsey Grammer.”
“I should have stopped you after 'discharge', but I zoned out there for a second.”
“It also didn't help that he kept referring to the drivers as chafuers.”
“Now he just has to lock up the Juggalo vote.”
“They haven't found the bodies yet Seth, so I'm doing just fine.”
“We don't always get the job we look right for. If we did, I would be THE KING OF THE SNAKES!”
“I remember my daddy said to me, 'James, stop having sex with that damn watermelon.'”
“Now it doesn't matter why, but I'm friend with some alligators....”
“Picture this Seth: it looks exactly like my face, but without my glasses.”
“Guys, you can't name a bridge after Chuck Norris – because nobody crosses Chuck Norris.”
“For real though: mad respect to gloves.”
“I accidentally put on my Snuggie and wore it out of the house.”
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